Shake It Off

I am in a weird mood today. 

Actually, I've been in one for a little while.  Like seriously jamming out to "Shake It Off" by Florence and the Machine and "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant.   And I don't even care for F&TM that much.  It's an occupational hazard of being me and living in my head, I suppose.  Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, only I don't appear to be running late.

Some of it is the agony of my lower back, but that's not all of it.  Quick confession:  I'm heavily medicated right now, just so I can sit upright.  But I digress...I can tell when it's starting to seep through my standard dorky facade because yesterday a girl at work (that I barely know) went out of her way to ask if I was okay.

And then last night my fiance made a random statement that caught me really off guard, because 1. it was random and 2. it was a gesture typical of his extreme kindness, which takes my breath away every time.  This man's generosity knows no bounds.  I think he has a built-in sensor for when my over-arcing sunny outlook is rapidly sinking, because he usually busts out a grand gesture.  I think he understands that if my focus is not on the positive that I fade out of...well everything pretty rapidly.

Last Fall it was a marriage proposal, in December a new car.  Well, he didn't buy the car but he paid what I was upside down on my trade and extra for a down payment.  Now he's talking about putting money on my house so I can refinance and lower the mortgage payment.  It makes me a little uncomfortable to be honest, mostly because I've never known anyone who didn't want something in return (or to hold it over your head later).

He says it's because it's going to be our money soon enough but I still feel strange about it.  I'm keeping track of everything too, because one day I will pay it all back even though he says I don't have to, that he does it because he loves me.  Maybe it's because I didn't have much growing up, or because my first husband royally screwed me over financially.  I am not perfect when it comes to money management, but I've been aggressively paying off debt for a while and plan to have everything (including student loans) paid off in a couple of years.  That's a lot of ramen and cheerios yo.

Maybe it's because my old wedding anniversary is approaching and all this new wedding business and thoughts of R are dredging up fears and overwhelming feelings.  I would've been married 12 years and "with" my ex-hubby for 16 years, and I honestly never thought I'd be apart from R and Dozie.  But I am; I am on a path that I never planned for or anticipated.  And all the health issues I've had are bringing up odd thoughts about mortality, how I should spend my days, and planning for my children.

Like I said, weird mood.  Gotta shake it off too--I have so many reasons to be grateful for where I'm at in this exact moment.  The time to be happy is now; there is no better time.  Just need to take a deep breath and enjoy the journey.


A Noble Boy

I cast on this cowl December 30th, knocked out two pattern repeats lickety-split, and then set it down.  Too much activity since then...yoga, getting my house ready for a renter, and lots of craft experiments.  Remind me to tell you about my foray into painting later (not the house kind, I'm not allowed). 

Last night we had a five-hour storm and poor freaked out Georgie-baby kept me up all night.  This morning an overturned 18 wheeler gifted me the most excruciating drive in, so I opted out of yoga after work.  Instead I decided to do a little more cleaning at my house before hobbling home--a crappy exchange if you ask me, but oh well.

I parked it on the sofa with Gessel in a quasi-comfy position and busted out some knitting.  Little prince that he is, the boy refused to scooch over, so I forced him to model my WIP.

I am waaaay too handsome for this.
                                                 What the H mom?
Gosh you are weird.

I'm using soft and yummy Berocco Vintage DK in a dusty, heathery blue color.  I picked it up at Hill Country Weavers on a recent jaunt to Austin.  Check out my Ravelry project page for updates and FO pics!


Life's a Bowlful of...

Cherry M&Ms!

Holy smokes, these are the poster children of all that is Valentine candy deliciousness.  What the H Mars Corp?  My head is just peeking out of the medical woods and I really should not be eating these.  But I did--thirteen to be exact.  And I ate them with pretzels (two per salty twist)....oh my mouth it watering all over again. 

Unfortunately, I felt pretty crappy afterwards.  Like I could see the nurse tsk tsk-ing me in my mind's eye.  Ugh, how terrible it is to know one's personal limitations.  So grown-up.  Gross.

But look at how pretty they are:
Eat us, we're so tasty!

It's okay, they were worth the brief bout of tummy twirls.  I rewarded myself for surviving the m&m fever with some flavorful green beans and an hour of yoga.

Speaking of yoga...that's something else I survived today.  I hurt my back a couple of weeks ago and I am convinced it didn't get worse because I've been practicing daily yoga.  This last weekend was too much though, and I have been in excruciating pain for 3 days.  Guess the accident in my car Friday night didn't help either.  I didn't even go to class over the weekend!  But after standing most of the day at work (with my monitors tilted back like a super-nerd) I decided to brave it. 

I'm pretty sure I sounded like someone stepped on a puppy a few times, but I made it.  The last movement involved from transitioning out of cobra into triangle in one fluid motion.  In this condition I wouldn't say I resembled anything fluid or graceful, but I definitely breathed through the pain.  I guess now I understand why lamaze works for pregnant ladies!

A visual:

Cobra - Yogajournal.com
Triangle - pinklotus.com

I still felt really good and centered after class though, so even if I can't walk in the morning my chakras are in good shape.  Here's hoping tomorrow is an even better day than today!


Got Books?

This is my most recent FO, a cover for my aunt's Kindle.  I really, really thought I was going to start it on Christmas Eve and have it ready by Christmas night.  Ah optimism, you are a seductive minx!  There was absolutely no way aran-weight yarn on size 5 dpns was going to happen, though I diligently walked around every family gathering knitting my little heart out. 

At least I got it done before New Year's Eve though!

I really enjoyed the colorway, but the yarn had a splitty tendency that was exacerbated by the tiny needles working the pattern.  However it fits very snugly on the kindle and my aunt was happy, so it all worked out!  Get the deets at my Ravelry project page!

An Amazing New Path

For anyone who may still be out there I'll state the obvious: It's been a while.

I basically fell off the map under an avalanche of loss and all that comes with it.  I'm still learning life can't be forced to turn out the way I want; it simply unfolds in its own way and time.

And somehow, this curious time has also been highlighted by spectacular streaks of kindness, huge tidal waves of compassion and unconditional love.  I'm still not sure how I ended up in this precise moment, but I do know what to do about it.

I will live and be grateful.  I will find my bliss and do my best to help others find theirs.

I will.