Coming Out of the Cave

Well, I made it.  Thank God because the overbearing feeling of doom was not fun.  I put everyone on my surgical team on notice yesterday morning that I did not want to wake up in the middle of my procedure.  The anaesthesiologist said he ordered two bottles of sleepytime tea just for me.  And he did his job in putting me in under--so much so that the post-op team had a hard time rousing me.

Since returning home I've been mainly sleeping, with a little tv and web mixed in.  I greatly enjoyed watching the AKC dog show in between codeine-induced snoozes.  I'm still pretty sore from the surgery and anticipate the next few weeks won't be too spectacular, but at least all these pills are helping my back some too.
My fiance has been an excellent nurse, helping me in and out of bed and keeping me hydrated.  Today on Pandora I was adding to my radio station and thumbed-up the song below; it is my song of the day.

"The Cave" by  Mumford & Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears and all the faults

You've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

The last couple of days have been filled with weird dreams and cryptic conversations, and hopefully everything that needs to be said is out there, whether it was actually said or not.  All I know is I need to keep working my way out of the dark place I've been in lately.  I'll know my name again soon.